Soon

Soon, I will slog through this weekend with more work and less play.
Bad mood. No motivation.
{“sigh sigh sigh”}

Soon, I will have butterflies flying alive in my stomach.
The legs-turned-jelly, fingers-shiver-uncontrollably moment is coming and I know…
{“tick-tock-tick-tock”}

Soon, I will may face a bombardment of questions for which I may have no answers.
{“bang bang bang” >>> “ahhh ahhh ahhh”}
I need to prepare some bullets to shoot back. That way, I'll look more stylo (hopefully).

An uninvited visitor

We have a visitor, an uninvited one.
She enters without hi, and leaves without bye.
Basically comes and goes as she wishes, already countless times.

We acknowledge her presence, albeit an unwelcome one
And soon realize she is more than a guest, she is a pest.
We chase her out, to no success
She just keeps coming back with more guests.

***

Actually I’m referring to a Wasp (not sure though) that finds my home a cosy place to build a “mud wasp nest”. Wasp’s initial target is a dark brown painted door edge to my mum’s room. Upon realizing this uninvited intrusion, “Operation Find-And-Destroy” is started.

With the windows and balcony doors left open during the day, it is no wonder how the Wasp can come and go with ease. I admire its determination and persistence but I also loathe its stupidity for repeating the same mistakes for far too long (reminded me of someone from an opposition party). In fact, the Wasp must be really dumb to keep returning to the same old spot to find the “muds” missing.

After a long time, target locations changed. It found a liking for one of my dark brown wooden chair in my room. Wah lao… can’t you choose a better place. Anyway, my mum busted the mud nest. And it moved happily to the antique sewing machine located in my bro’s room. Incidentally, also dark brown in colour… So coincidental meh? Colour of tree trunks?!?… Harlow brother (or is that sister), you got the wrong address!!!

All these – I haven’t got a chance to see… until today. Operation Find-And-Destroy is upgraded to Operation Kill.

***


See! The mud is still wet. Newly constructed.

See the inside... Eeeeee...


Piak... Boing... and it's dead. End of story.

爱心Sushi

Xian was so nice yesterday, make sushi for me to eat. Plus points for this... ;p
***

It was the first time I suggested adding Avocado (anyhow choose, anyhow buy, then anyhow prepare... and luckily no one lao sai...)

In praise of vulgarity

Replayed James Blunt's You're Beautiful over and over again on the road.
***

Appreciated his refreshing and unique voice that obviously doesn't appeal to everyone I know.
***

Agreed with Xian that the word F**king can be sang in such a way that it is not unpleasant to the ears - in fact, it's the first time we heard it so beautifully expressed... ;p

***
Hahah... in praise of vulgarity? Eh... ?!?

Burp

"Burp!"... excuse me.

Dishes today:
1. Mixed beef and chicken jap curry (delicious, shiok!) - cooked by me! Heh heh... but I still cannot remember to take photos (don't have the take-photo-everywhere-I-go habit).
2. Fish slices with ginger
3. Cabbage
4. Jap rice
Item 2 to 4 cooked by Xian's mum...

-------------------------------

Yesterday finally bought a set of OTO Trimax TX808 for my mum. Promised to buy it some time back. Talk only, no action. Until last week, she was still prompting for it. This week I told her I'll get it... kekeke... ;p < *Have updated a little more comments here >

I think there's some activities going on right now cos the salesman asked me to pick one out of the three participation choices: (i) Participate in the slimming competition together with the Radio Station DJs (wah liew... do I look like I need to shed a lot of weight/fat? Even if I'm eligible, the least I wanted to do is to appear on National TV for this nonsense - OUT!), (ii) Guess which DJ group (933, 958 or 972) will win and split the winnings with them (Huh? Maybe I haven't taken dinner... almost 9pm. Hungry, can't think. Don't understand, so OUT!), or (iii) Participate in the daily lucky draw (i think can win $88 if being drawn - if I'm not wrong - okie, this ONE... simplest!).

So, last night, I become a guinea pig (what a good term... pig indeed has more fats to get rid off). Turned slightly itchy and reddish after usage (supposed to be normal). Actually it's quite simple and convenient to use - can still walked about doing my stuff while at it.

Then today Chou Xian poked at my stomach and told me that it had indeed become firmer. Aiyo, bull shit. One session how to tell... bluff also don't know how...

That someone I know...

Someone who earned up to $4k a month drives into JB to top up petrol at half price regularly with the help of meter tampering - tsk tsk tsk...

Someone who is married but not very willing to disclose his status openly - I wonder why?

Someone who is incompetent is being employed over someone else who is likely more capable just because the former has a better grasp of English (hence able to perform better in those "comprehension-like" mcq tests)?

Someone who is selfish is able to get people to help him out in his stuff. Hmm... how come?

Happy Meal Combi

诗 是 汉堡
夕 是 薯条
荣 是 可乐
贤 是 盘子

Mooncakes...

This year, I did not eat mooncake at all – break record!
This year, I bought a box of mooncake for Xian’s family even though he asked me not to (last year they have too many – nightmare!). Gotten another similar box for my family (shared with Xi but still haven't pay her... kekek ;p)

Flashback:

Last year, I tested some new flavoured mooncake… which probably include green tea, durian, etc… Conclusion: I think I only like the yolk. Might as well buy salted egg to eat, right? ;p
Last year, I bought two boxes of ice cream mooncake (split with Xian)… the skin spoilt the ice cream. The skin could have been much better. Conclusion: Maybe I should just buy ice cream alone…

Last last year, I can’t remember…

Last last last year… I reacted with an astonishing “Huh, I cut ah!” when my dept head (also SVP) asked me to cut up the mooncakes during a meeting. Wah kao! Come on lah, I was already busy taking minutes, can’t you get another person to do it… Too much! (of course, I didn’t say all these)… Anyway, another senior colleague eventually volunteered to do it…
I can definitely remember this cos ML, YK, and CM recently reminded me of this funny incident on two separate occasions. Hahah…

Simple sentences

Hmm... sometimes even one sentence (or maybe two to be exact) of encouragement can make my day. Really! Especially one that comes unexpectedly. Thks!

It says: "P.S. Must tell you I'm very impressed by your piano playing. Keep trying!!"

Sandwiched

Years away from the Sandwich Generation, I’m not spared.
Sandwiched between the older generations, it’s kind of sad.
I didn’t ask for this role that I hate to the core,
But still compelled to play along with white lies and more.

This morning I was awakened to a scenario of simple invitation that was somewhat twisted by misunderstandings that perhaps only I recognize. The parties involved didn’t and ironically, I can’t do much about it. And so there I was, taken along the emotional roller coaster ride.

Knots of bonded ties can be easily unraveled by those who persist.
But is it what you want as an outcome?

*Yawn*... *Yawn*... *Yawn*
Sometimes it's good to be a little "bochap" - I guess
Happily surfing net and not doing any work (it's a happy saturday).

Blur me...

Oh mine, just now I actually send the email to the wrong ML - realized that only when cM replied to all and that wrong ML probably thought "what the..." and therefore had to reply to tell me that I've got the wrong person (in order to stop all the uninvited intrusions). Blur me. See lah, just happily keyed in the name, clicked "Check Names" some more... and better still, now that I recall back, I actually did see (not stars) but a name in CAPS enclosed between two # and yet I didn't realize anything was wrong... Phew! Luckily it's an email with no secrets or confidential contents...

Yesterday night went to 夜来香 (a stall in Queenstown mkt selling western food? is that mkt or food centre? aiyah, not sure) for dinner with KP, he says I need a break. Gosh, I really think so too (send email also can send to wrong person)... Btw, this 夜来香 refuses to sell us additional french fries (first time I encounter such business hawker weirdo). Tried and tested to be good: pork cutlet, pork chop, fish and chips... will bring Xian there to try others next time round.

I wonder...

• Come to think of it, I have never confided any of my problems (minus trivial ones) with my dad & mum unlike some of the people I know – Not their fault probably (in fact, they are great as parents, parents who do not pressurized us to do the things we do not like to do, parents who provide the sufficient care, concern and support), just that I’m just not used to confiding in them – and I wonder why? I wonder if this will ever change? I wonder how many people are just like me?
• I always kept problems to myself (and perhaps shared some with Xi) during my sec sch and JC days – maybe I don’t really trust people enough after a betrayal incident (I wonder if I still trust the word "best" in front of the word "friend") – and I wonder why I can still be a relatively happy person back then (maybe I’m easily satisfied, simple… or maybe there’s really nothing for me to worry about except getting more As…)? ;p
• Xian probably understands me more than anybody else and vice versa – we’ve probably reached steady state* given whatever disturbances* and variabilities* – and I wonder how much (or to what extent) we have taken each other for granted?
• By right, I should be contented with what I have now. But somehow, I sensed that something is missing in my life - something that I couldn’t identify (is it a something which would allow me to be really proud of, a something which people would recognize, a something which I really enjoy doing…) – I wonder what is it that is missing?

* common terms that would be used in my thesis… ;p I’m poisoned...

Realized

Realized that my bf and I shouldn’t link up two PCs to play Counterstrike in opposing team or test our racing/drifting skills in Need for Speed. It usually ends up with me having a charcoal-tinted face in CS and him a lousy mood in NFS.

What else we couldn't do together? Hmm... can't think of any at the moment... ;p

I was once a Mosquito Buster...

With all the dengue hot spots being circulated in emails... news and reports that gahmen is doing something about it and why you shouldn't just sit back and relax but to also join in the fight... to possibilities of controlled breeding in your home (so you would know where it is breeding)...

I was once a Mosquito Buster (when I was in Pri 4)... name only lah (cheh!). I don't remember having to kill mosquitos to earn points, only need to complete some small little manageable projects. So there I was, armed with a Mosquito Buster badge back then... hmm... but what have I done as a mosquito buster? None, except to make sure that mum & dad don't breed mosquito at home. Maybe that's sufficient... NO?!? Oh, yah, maybe I'm old enough to breed some at home... watch little larvae swim & dive* (wondering if they'll be equally as interesting to watch as the sea monkeys) and then kill them with my own hands (evil thoughts... kekek... or feed them to my little fishes who might welcome the idea of fresh food over processed vitamins-enriched ones)...

Is there a Mosquito Breeder Buster badge for this btw?

* Yes, larvae do dived down from the surface when disturbed. Try it lah...

Mosquito-buster... hmm, I think its name is derived from the Ghost Buster cartoon that I watched back then...

Scared stiff

"Show u one scary sms..."
"Aiyah, how scary can an sms be?", I ridiculed as I took over the hp.

"Huh?!? Your colleague J. diagnosed with TB uh!!!"... "When was that?"... "How come?"... the paranoid me fired a lot of questions at one go... "Eeee... like that u okie or not"... "any colleague coughing now?"... I got my assurances that everyone looks fine and the company is arranging for the whole dept to go for checkup.

In the sms, J. even asked them to buy insurance for those who haven't (wah lao, isn't this a bit too late?).

Guess what, Xian later returned "And I thought it's not scary..." with a sneer (I returned with a stare and "tsk - chou xian")... ;p

Immense

Immense potential lies
I can't deny
Abruptly took it up
And found otherwise

Immense work to be done
I can't decline
Search and research
This part never dies

Immense pressure lies
I can't neutralize
Just got to go on
And try try try

Changes...

Gave my blog a clean new look... changed its name too...

The good thing about online stuff is that once you change your name - it becomes a slightly/completely different you.

This is unlike in real life... where some things just cannot be changed.

Scheduling - Is it part of me?

Scheduling is something I do
Conflicting objectives I consider
Disturbances and variabilities I handle
To improve performance measures further

Can be simple or complex
Depending on what is to be set
The advantages of scheduling I understand
But do not apply in my life

Life is too much to be followed through
With planned schedules through reschedule
My life is full of ups and downs
With no known distributions to use

My life, at certain times, is a mess
Not even the presence of schedules could revise
I decide what I ought to do
Not constrained by those schedules that I do

Dot...

The world, as I say, is made up of dots.
Scientifically, atom is the smallest dot.
Abstractly, infinity is the largest dot.
To me, they can be isolated or grouped together...

Dark inside, bright outside

Many people think that I'm independent - I think I'm not
Many people feel that I'm very capable - perhaps I've some history of success that suggested so... again, I don't think so...
When I suggested otherwise, people say that I am too humble.
I say I have no confidence.

A large downfall that occurs in 2002 caused me to tumble and fall.
I tasted failure... and subconsciously, I have been affected.
I doubted my abilities and I lost some confidence.
Let it be a lesson, I told myself as I moved on.

Sometimes I feel very lost - I couldn't make out what I want in life.
Sometimes once I have decided on some things, I still asked for opinions merely to get assurances.
Sometimes, my decisions are swayed by differing viewpoints.
Haiz, why can't I make up my mind? Why do I have to think so much? Why am I bothered so much by what others think of me? - again, it think it voices down to the "living up to expectation" issues... many people (including myself) have high expectation of me (myself)

Stressed out at times... but do anyone know?
Nope! What they see is my other self.
A bright exterior which can sometimes be dark inside.

Don't say cannot, you must always try...

I try to live up to expectations
Even frustrated ones
I lost count of the times when I succeeded
I only vividly remember the times I don't

I try to play down any disappointment
Hoping I will feel better
Only to be reminded by some (sarcasm
That I've not tried hard enough

I feel down, utterly defeated at times
And the more I try to forget, the more I remember
Overwhelmed by anger, I lose the desire to try
Had not for a Prof who harshly told me off with a
"...Don't say cannot, u must go and try..."
I would have stay put at point zero there and then
Expectations will always exist as he says
Giving up is not an option, trying is.

Still a victim of frustrated expectations - I am still trying...

Disappointment...

I could sense the disappointment in 老师... he too nice a teacher to use harsh words on his students (I think) - only heard encouraging words from him. In fact, I've never seen him angry before. Perhaps it's also his other self that we see.

I feel sorry for 老师 (I mean it's not his fault that his student couldn't play well) but I also can relate to the situation my friend ML is in... really too busy with work and studies and has no time to practice - so every time play in a zi-teh-zi-teh (crude translation from hokkien: one-piece-one-piece) manner. ML also has the tendency to giggle when notes are played wrongly... so for one of the latest piece, the giggling lasted practically throughout the whole song. 老师 ended up saying: "Looks like this song is a joke" in a jokingly manner... but I think deep down, he is disappointed.

Weekend

My fav perfume is still Burberry's Weekend... need to go and buy a bottle soon.

Talking about weekend, last sat I went to Comex 2005. I saw the crowd, kenna pushed around by pple, and at times pushing back to get passed the bottlenecks, saw lots of electronic products only through brochures but not those on display (what the...). Going there with no target products to buy is a big big mistake!! In the end, I ended up at Sim Lim Square. Since I'm already there, so juz asked ard the shops and there's still no HPM-70 - one ultimate shop owner even thought the HPM-70 is some kind of pda by HP (lol)

To Sony Ericsson,
When is the HPM-70 earpiece coming in to Singapore??? Wait until my neck long long already still not here yet???
From Giraffe-To-Be

HDB Blues

Haiz, everytime anyone talks abt anything to do with HDB BE/WIS/BTO - I'm pissed off. Why? You see lah...

Balloting Exercise (BE) & Build-To-Order (BTO) - the first time we apply, we didn't even receive any invitation to select (cos our number was toooooooo large). The second time we apply, there's not enough applicants for a bird-don't-lay-egg location (sembawang to be precise). So, popular established estate also cannot, ulu place also cannot... Now that there's this BE again - I'm looking at Toa Payoh (just now looked at the HDB site - it's already over-subscribed... again! Not unusual - but that would mean i need lots and lots of luck). My mum's weird theory says that i shld apply asap so that i don't end up near the end of the list where numbers are less likely to be drawn from - she says those "centralized numbers" are better - more chances... just now i jokingly asked Xian abt the auspicious hours to apply and he said 2pm today. Wah lao, anyhow humtum...

Walk-In-Selection (WIS) - this is even worse - they either start it at unfriendly time/date or by the time we know about it (we are already queueing way behind a few hundred/thousands of KS pple) - there's even rumours that some public have insider-information abt the release. *haiz - the only person i know working inside is not at all related to this WIS stuff*